


The Bow and the Arrow

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Headcanon, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-02-28 16:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2740070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Antheia never imagined she would be in charge of the fate of Thedas.<br/>All she was prepared for was to be in charge of a small Dalish clan in the Free Marches as their Keeper.<br/>She trained as First, but never expected she would need more than that to survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well, Shit.

           “Well, I’ll be damned,” chuckled the blonde dwarf walking beside her. Antheia was tired and wanted nothing more than to return to her chambers… and sleep. The dwarf, on the other hand, wanted to go down to the tavern and celebrate their new victory. She suppose she should go, considering she hasn’t spent time with any of her friends, too busy listening to Solas talk about the fade. Who could blame her though? Listening to him talk about it was entrancing. She scolded herself silently.

“One drink, Varric.” Antheia said, concerned that the dwarf would take the meaning too loosely, as he usually did.

“Well, I guess I owe Sera…shit.” Antheia rolled her eyes at the comment the dwarf made and followed him into the Skyhold tavern. Her eyes instantly froze as she saw Solas…

“Inquisitor,” bellowed a rather tipsy qunari. She saw Solas look up and immediately jerked her head towards Bull. “I didn’t think you would come! Spending too much time in your chambers, I assume.” He winks at me, and she internally flinched. They all knew about their relationship, but they did not know it had ended. Antheia preferred it to be that way considering it would cause tension within the group. It was the last thing anyone needed. Bull elbowed her and pointed in the blushing elf’s direction. “Look who’s here!” He gives a light shove, which sends her toppling onto Solas.

“Shit.” She murmurs as she immediately straightens herself out. Ignoring the awkward tension as she rises, Solas’ eyes still on her, she turns to her companions.

“Who’s up for a game of wicked grace?” Varric shouts, and she groans. She always lost to Josephine… everyone did. Eventually, they managed to round up all her companions and Josephine and Cullen. They were soon seated around a large wooden table, the noise overwhelming.

“Hey, chuckles, come join us,” exclaims a rather excited Varric. All the others murmur in agreement. They lock eyes on each other and she nods to him. He needs to play otherwise they’ll know something is wrong. He wanders over to an empty seat and takes his place beside her. They all look at them rather expectantly as if we are expected to kiss. _The drama in this group_ , she thought.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Josephine, deal me in!” ANtheia interrupts the silence grinning at everyone, while in return catching suspicious looks from them.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Josie. I’m dealing this time,” mutters Cullen, who is more invested in beating Josephine than the rest of us.

“Maybe you should give it a rest, curly.” Varric says, concern amounting on his face.

“We all have things to do anyways…” Solas whispers, and no one heard him, but Antheia. She flinched at the sound of his voice. It was the first time she’s heard in weeks, and it hurts her.

“She’s hurt, betrayed. She thought she could trust you…” Cole has spoken up rather loudly, and everyone has paused to listen intently. “No, she realized you were like the rest of the shemlen. She doesn't understand.” Cole speaks softly now, “He is hurt too. He is-”

“That is enough, Cole.” Solas speaks sharply. Cole looks taken aback and then disappears into the shadows of the tavern, obviously confused. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to make him more like a spirit…but she always listened to Solas. Everyone is staring at her now. She can feel their eyes burned into her like the vallaslin on her eighteenth birthday. She touched her face… the vallaslin she so foolishly let him remove.

“Inquisitor…” Varric says, reaching out to her. Instead of allowing for that moment of vulnerability she gets up from the table and runs off, determined to pretend the night never happened.

She is watching the way the moonlight dances on the water, graceful and delicate. It reminds her of training with her clan keeper…how graceful every move was. She missed her clan, but she knew she could not return once Corypheus was defeated. It would not be safe anywhere she went. She would always be in danger. The realization hits her. She will never get to be happy, or have a normal life. She will always be branded, “Herald of Andraste”, “Inquisitor” and so on. As if dealt a crushing blow, she meanders back to her chambers, awaiting a restless night’s sleep. Come tomorrow morning they would put an end to all of this, send Corypheus back to the Fade. She kept wondering if after that, Solas would finally explain everything to her.

It was all she wanted.

***

 _It’s over_ , she thought, as they marched back to Skyhold, claiming victory over Corypheus. While a part of her was happy, her mind kept drifting to Solas and his reaction to when the orb was destroyed.

Why was he so interested in it?

She shrugged it off as the applause of many interrupted her thoughts.

She was a hero.

A hero.

Oh, that was going to take some getting used to. She walked up the steps to the throne room only to be greeted with a hug by Cullen. She flinched from the close contact. While Cullen was a close friend, she hadn't let a shem touch her since…

She shook her head and looked overhead, staring at the crowd that cheered for her. They had won. Yet, she didn't feel happy. Instead, she kept scanning the crowd for Solas, her vhenan. “Where did you go…” she whispered turning on her heel, following her advisors into Skyhold. She had hoped to slip into her quarters for the night, but none of her companions seemed to take their off her, Varric especially. She was holding a mug of…whatever Bull called it and she took a swig of it, holding back a curse as it burned her throat.

“I’m no stranger to heartbreak. I saw it with Hawke…and now with her. Damned elves.” She overheard Varric mutter angrily to Cassandra.

“She is hurting. She doesn’t understand. He promised her he would explain…and now she doesn't know why he’s gone. And she doesn’t know if he’ll ever return,” Cole pauses and she looks up at the spirit who is huddled in the corner next to her. “I could help you forget.” Cole says quietly, his hat hiding his eyes.

“No, thank you Cole. I don’t want to forget him.” She says confidently, another gulp of the drink, throat constricting.

“I don't understand…” Cole whispers before vanishing. After she finished her mug, she disappeared into her chambers, planning on looking out the balcony, watching the stars twinkle. Sadness erupted as she remembers she has no one. Her clan would disown her if she returned with no vallaslin… she couldn't handle their disgrace.

Solas was gone, and all she was left with was a bare face and a broken heart. “Ma shiral,” she muttered, tears dripping down her eyelashes. Eilavin fell into a fitful sleep.

_A Wolf._

_He hungers, watching her every movement. She is intrigued, but as First she has learned to be wary of wolves._

_Fen’Harel was a trickster, he betrayed his people and laughed as he locked the pantheon away and watched Arlathan be destroyed. Their eyes make contact._

_Those crystal clear blue eyes…_

She bolted awake, beads of sweat dripping down her face. It couldn’t have been him. It just wasn’t possible. Unable to fall asleep, she wanders, eventually into Solas’ old room. She sat down at his desk, feet up and mused over all the murals. It was a collection of their journeys together, and though it hurt to remember, it was a pleasant reminder of all they had shared. No, she wasn't mad, she told herself. He had told her that it was a bad idea from the start.

_“It would be kinder in the long run…” Solas stalled, “But losing you would…” He turned around, kissing her passionately. It was a kiss the gods themselves envied._

She had told him he could handle it, and she meant it. While she missed him terribly, and a part of her was gone, with him now, she wasn't angry. Her eyes trailed up to a mural of a wolf, its face painted dark, pained but deadly all the same. The wolf was similar to the one she had encountered in the fade…its eyes so similar to him…

_“Why would this be here?” Morrigan discerned staring at the statue of Fen’Harel. “Something wrong?” I ask, confused on to what Morrigan was talking about, not noticing the giant statue in front of her. “It depicts the Dread Wolf, Fen’Harel. In elven tales, he tricks their gods into sealing themselves away in the beyond for all time.”_

At the time she had found it amusing how defensive Solas was of the god, but now looking back on it, it finally made sense. The necklace he wore, the paintings of wolves, his defensiveness over Fen'Harel. Even Abelas' reaction to Solas was intriguing. He had referred to him one of him, as ancient elvhen. 

I was in love with the trickster. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ma - my  
> shiral - journey


	2. A Templar's Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Cullen have a friendly discussion.

Cullen and Dorian were sitting across from each other, a friendly competition over a game of chess. Dorian was busy gossiping about their fellow companions,  **especially**  Eilavin and Solas. It irritated the former templar to no end. 

"Stop! Just stop talking, mage," Cullen aggressively demanded, slamming his fist on the chest board,scattering the pieces. 

"Now, now. Is that anyway to speak with your victor?" Dorian slyly remarked. He knew the commander had feelings for the inquisitor, it was  **so** painfully obvious.

"I don't want to hear any more about Solas and her. Any man that lets go of a woman like that does not deserve her." Cullen replied, frustration in his every word.

"Let me tell you something," Dorian spoke, and he began to retell the previous night at the tavern, following the defeat of Corypheus.

The others in the bar looked stunned as shocked gaze met shocked gaze. "Shit," Varric interrupted the silence, "Another round of drinks!" He shouts to the bartender. How the dwarf could handle so much liquor was beyond Dorian. 

"I knew I should have been more harsh on Solas, made Leliana run a thorough check into his background...find out who he was..." Cassandra muttered, distraught. They all were, to see their leader in pain over a heartbreak.

None of them expected them to break up. 

Looking back on it, Dorian realized, there were so many signs. It was difficult to see, however, as they acted like a love-struck couple around others.

“I should have known…” Cassandra continued, her face flushed with embarrassment as she realized how desperate she sounded.

“She came to speak with me a few days after Adamant…It was when I noticed how barefaced she was…and intrigued with curiosity, I asked. She told me to ask Solas about it…At the time I thought she meant he would be able to explain it better. Now, I realize how bitter and cold she was towards my mention of it.”

Cullen interrupted the story, “ Why are you telling me this?”

“Would you not interrupt me? It wounds my ego.” Dorian faked a stab to his chest. The commander remained silent.

“We have to do something.” Sera pointed out, “We defeated Coryphenus, and she’s not even happy. I mean, hell, even I’m getting a little depressed looking at her.” The others murmured in agreement.

“Then it’s decided,” Cassandra said. They knew what had to be done.

“It’s been over a month since Corypheus was defeated and Solas left. Leliana has even been pushing her duties as Divine aside because she is so worried about Antheia.” Bull indicated. It bothered Dorian how fond Bull was of the redhead spymaster, soon-to-be Divine.

“Did I need to know that?” Cullen asked bluntly, “Because I don’t think I did.”

“Oh, do shut up.” Dorian called out the Templar, “I don’t need to hear about your non-existent love life and your fantasies about the Inquisitor, but I listen.”

“…continue…” Cullen replied sheepishly.

“No, no. I’m quite alright. The point I was trying to make, Templar, is that I see the way you look at her. Since you’re both such good friends…well, she needs to move on. With you, precisely.”

“It’s not that easy. I care for her…but she’s a mage. I wouldn’t trust myself around her, and nor she around me.” Cullen knew that a romance between the two of them would only end up in disaster, and he didn’t want that after what she had gone through. He didn’t want to go through that either.

“Tell me about her,” Dorian inquired, causing Cullen to turn a deep shade of a red.

“It was a stupid…infatuation,” Cullen sighed, and moved his pawn to D5.

“Well, do tell. Infatuations are always…interesting.” Dorian countered his move and took the pawn. “Checkmate.”

“Her name was Discordia. She was an apprentice mage in Kinloch Hold, and I was a Templar. I was a newly instated Templar and she was just an apprentice, hadn’t passed her Harrowing yet. So, a few others and I were charged with watching the apprentices, and I had grown to fancy her. She was humble, and kind…and very stubborn. I remember when First Enchanter Irving and Greagoir told me I was to watch over her harrowing…It was my first one. I remember how nervous I was. Not only was I afraid of having to strike down an abomination...the idea it might be someone I had a ill-gotten crush on was unfathomable.”

“Is this still Discordia alive?” Dorian asked, curiosity burning.

“Yes, very much so… In fact, she is…” Cullen trailed off, unsure if he should continue.

“She is what?!” Dorian almost shouted, enthralled by the Templar’s love life.

“She is the Hero of Fereldan.”

“Oh, do tell!” Dorian exclaimed clasping his hands together.

“She passed her Harrowing. I was so relieved that she had...And then she got involved with a blood mage, and was conscripted into the Wardens.”

“Was that the last time you saw her?”

“No…” He replied, carefully choosing his next words, “I saw her again after Ostagar. The Circle was in shambles, and she came to help. I was an idiot. One of the mages, Uldred had begun turning his fellow mages into abominations. He locked me in with magic, exhausted me to no end. By the time she had come, my defenses were all but none. I was convinced she was a trick…a demon that was preying on my infatuation with her. I know I cannot go back, but I will not make that same mistake again.” Cullen let out a sigh he had not known he was holding in.

“I think you win,” Dorian claimed, as he got up from the bench, “Don’t let your fears run your life, Templar. You deserve to be happy, too.”

Cullen sat there dumbfounded as he watching the Tevinter walk away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like it :D there'll be more to come soon!


	3. The Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antheia lets go of her love.

"If I have to take one more step..." Antheia swore under her breath.

"You'll be okay, vhenan. Just a few more steps." She groaned as she took another step forward. In her despair, the stairs seemed to stretch on forever. 

She knew he was here. It was he who who was talking to her, who drew her here in the first place. She ascended one more, only to be thrown off the stairs by an unseen force. 

 _I'm going to die._ Peeking down, she saw no earth to claim her fall. 

Until there was.

Of course...it all made sense now. She pushed off the ground with her hands, hoping to continue her search. "I'm in the fade..." she whispered, 

"I am right here, lethallin." Her eyes drifted to the sound and up the impossible body in front of her until she was looking at those cold, blue eyes once more.

"Solas?" Her muted voice sang, her eyes dancing around his face, taking in her former lover. She hadn't seen him since...what? It was Drakonis now...it had been almost six months since he left her, a year and a half since she met him. She tried to keep her voice from breaking, "Are you ever coming back?"

"The path ahead is one I must walk alone, surely you understand, lethallin." His smile was bittersweet, and it broke her heart. 

"Then why are you here?" She demanded to know.  _Why should he torture her if he wanted nothing to do with her any longer?_

"I know you're hurt and confused...I had to see you. To make sure you were okay...and still alive." He cleared his throat, an awkward silence following. 

She remembered the day she went to him, demanding answers. All she got was him telling her to 'steel her heart to a cutting edge' and such nonsense. Now it was all clear. "Goodbye Solas." She kissed him on the cheek, tears staining her cheeks. She looked up at him once more, catching the sorrow in his eyes, and the one lone tear that cascaded from his eye. "Wake up," she mouthed.

She bolted awake, smacking her head on the bed frame. Tears welled up in her eyes from the sudden injury. 

He heart ached in her chest, as a reminder that it was there, and she rolled over on her side. She wonders if she did the right thing, ending any hopes of them being together, and decided, after a few minutes of debating, that she did. There was a light knock on her door, but she did not move from her curled up position on her bed or make a sound to indicate she was in there. "Eilavin? Are you alright?" She heard Cullen's voice and immediately relaxed. The commander had always been a supportive figure for her and she appreciated his concern, but did not want anyone else to share her burden. "I know you're in there." He says again, and she groans.

"I'll be right there," she replies, voice muffled against the pillow. She quickly throws on the sapphire silk bathrobe Empress Celene gifted her with after her part in the Civil War. She swings the door wide open, "Hi."

"Oh my-I'm sorr-I can come-"

"It's okay, Cullen. I needed to get up and about anyways." She smiled faintly at him, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "Care for a game of chess later?" She asked him, brushing a loose strand of her black hair past her ear.

"I would like that." Cullen smiles back at her, and the two stare at each other in silence, "Uh, yes. Josie- Josephine would like to see you when you have a moment."

"I will be right down. I'd just like to ready myself and take a breath." She nods to him and watches as his handsome silhouette- _wait, did she just call him handsome?_ \- walks away.

She clears her mind. A break from relationships is exactly what she needs. She's had too much heartbreak. She closed the door and let the bathrobe drop fall off her shoulders, bare skin revealing her pale, freckled chest.

She slipped on a blouse and trousers, taking a look at the mirror.

She remembered who she was almost two years ago.

 _Before the mage-templar war, before the Conclave, before this stupid mark-_  peering down to her hand, the green light flickered on her palm- _and before Solas._ There was no regret for where she was now. If anything, she had grown in the past few years. She was shy and distrusting before, even more so towards magic- _no_ \- she doesn't let her mind wander to that horrific event- _not today._  While she was one of the best hunters in her clan-and the only assassin- she often was alone. Her past had drifted her apart from the clan-believing she was the only one she had. It's why Keeper Deshanna had sent her to spy on the conclave. She was expendable-and while it hurt her then, she didn't care now. She couldn't return-not barefaced, it was blasphemy. She never fit in.

Now, however, she had friends, as much misfits as she, but she loved them all dearly. They were her family.

She tossed her hair in a loose bun, and walked out on her balcony. The view was spectacular. Skyhold was a perfect place for refuge-for a healing heart. A gust of cold wind chilled her to the bone, sending goosebumps up her arm. She breathed in the cold, mountain air, taking in the sight. The mountains surrounded Skyhold, fresh powder sitting on even the lowest points. She lifted her hand as a snowflake fell onto her palm and soon melted.  She breathed out, and left her room, ready to begin the day. 

Oddly disturbing her companions, who looked at her as if she had been possessed by a demon, she skipped down the hall towards the ambassador who had become a close confidant of hers. She knocked, and didn't even bother waiting for Josie's reply, waltzing right in. "Oh, hello Inquisitor. You're in an awfully good mood this morning."  _Always so diplomatic_ , Antheia thought.

"I told you to call me Antheia. I'm not the Inquisitor anymore."

"Ah, you may not be, but you will always be a symbol of hope to many. Alas, I wanted to speak with you on urgent matters." Josephine cleared her throat, and fingered through a bundle of papers before looking back up. 

"Anything," Antheia grinned at her friend, unaware that she would sorely regret it.

"As you know, many nobles, including King Alistair wish to meet you in person...although not so much as business as pleasure." Josephine continued, "After pulling some strings, and rather late bickering with the Cullen and Cassandra, we have to decided to host a ball at Skyhold."

Eilavin's jaw dropped. She had already been through one ball...and that was just bearable because of Solas...but another one? "By the Dread Wolf, Josephine!" She swore, cursing herself for her mind immediately fell to Solas.

“You did say so yourself anything. It will be good for us, after all. We- you, specifically, deserve to celebrate.” She knew Josephine was right. When Corypheus was defeated, she didn’t feel happy. Instead, her heart had splintered even more when she looked back and Solas was **_gone_**. At the time, she swore to herself she would find him. Now, half a year had gone by and she still wasn’t by his side.

“If you think it’s a good idea, then we shall go ahead with it.” She heard Josephine squeal with delight.

“Leliana will be delighted. Oh my, we absolutely must go to Val Royeaux and go shopping for dresses-oh and shoes!” Josephine exclaimed. The obsession with shoes, she would never understand. She hated shoes, and didn’t understand how shemlen- _humans_ \- wore them so much.

“Creators, save me.” Antheia mumbled, barely listening to the ambassador ramble on about who will be showing and who will not, and things she could care less for. Instead, she looked down at the ring around her finger. She was not one for sentimentality, especially not jewels.

The ring was different. It was from him. Looking down at it, she realized that she would never be able to move on, not as long as she held onto this object. “Excuse me, Josie dear.” Antheia interrupted her dear friend who appeared to be befuddled by her sudden statement.

“Yes, you must be busy.” Josephine smiled and returned to her work. Antheia turned around and rushed over to the tavern where Bull was, all and any rational thoughts pushed aside. 

“I need your help.” Bull looks stunned by her presence, as if she was a ghost. No one had really seen much of Eilavin since the defeat of Corypheus.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that,” He chuckled. 

_Creators!_

“No, that’s not what I meant…I, uh, I need to go somewhere…and you and Sera are the only ones I trust wholly. I mean, I do trust the others-but you won’t gossip…” Bull nods, silencing her onset rambling.

“Sera!” Bull’s deep rumbles through the tavern as he calls for the elf, who comes running down from her study.

“Andraste’s tits!” She swore.

“Inquisitor needs our help. No questions, let’s go.” Bull propositions and Sera grins mischievously. The three of them set out on their journey, Bull and Sera not asking any questions as to their destination, knowing that whatever they were doing was important to Eilavin. Knowing that she pushing the limits of her companions and the horses they rode, she tried to pace them, but found herself unable to stand the agony. She sped up, and the others followed in sync. They travelled all day and night to reach the outskirts of Crestwood. Even then, they were a days' journey from the destination. 

Antheia found a creek for the horses and they set up camp by the river. As soon as the first light peeked out from the sky, they were up and travelling again. Neither complaining, they galloped besides Antheia, silence filling the air. 

“We should be there soon…” Anthiea spoke, turning the corner out of the cave.

 _They were here_.

She held back a choked sob, not having been here since…since their last kiss.

_Since he broke your heart._

“I’ll be right back,” Her companions nodded, and she walked towards the waters’ edge. Glancing down at the ring ornate ring, she twisted it around her finger before slipping it off and throwing it into the water. A wolf howled in the distance, and her eyes followed the mournful sound. She faintly saw the shape of a giant wolf, and smiled at it. “Abelas, da’assan. Suledin.” A tear falls from her face, ripples setting off on the water. She turns to her companions, who had been watching her curiously. 

"Are you alright?" Bull asks, seeing the shaky Inquisitor before him. He has never seen Antheia so vulnerable and he suddenly feels very awkward.

"Right, well, let's get going." Sera interrupts, dreading the long walk back. "This place is creepy." 

"Yes, let us." The Inquisitor replies softly, looking back one more time.

The wolf was gone. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lethallan(-in) - clansman  
> Abelas - sorrow, apology  
> da'assan - little arrow  
> suledin - endure  
> vhenan - heart


	4. The Broken Hearted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole and Lavallen have a heart-to-heart.

"Creators, I am never going to clean up this dreadful mess!" Eilavin had found herself back in her chambers, staring at soft, fluffed pillows splayed all over, some on the bed, some on the floor. The sheets were scrunched up in between the bedframe and the mattress. "By the Dread Wolf, what even happened?" Her voice a hint of agitation as she began picking up the displaced pillows.

"Your heart aches with the memory of him. Good memories lost to all the hurt. Bad memories are bigger, swallow more of your past." She looked out to the balcony to find Cole sitting down by the door, his head looking down at the ground.

"Did you do this Cole?" She inquires, unsure of how to feel.

Heart racing, tender kisses.

It was the first and last night he came to her bed.

"He is alive in your thoughts, but now only a memory. You cannot remember the sweetness of his voice, or the delight of his laughter, like succulent honey. All you see are his harsh, blue eyes as he says farewell. You try to make him stay, make him tell you where it went wrong, but he doesn't turn around. He walks away, head up, with the hiccups and sobs becoming smaller and smaller. He hurts, too." Cole was staring at her now, with emotion both so intense and yet not there. She fluffed out the pillow in her hand and placed it on the bed before walking over to Cole. She sat down next to him and swung her arm around.

"I miss him too, Cole." She said, forcing tears. "But we can't change the past, nor can we stop living in the present. We strive for the future, and as much as I wish it not, he is not in it. He made his choice, to leave us all behind, and I think we have all suffered enough from it." Cole nuzzled his way into the space above her chest, humming.

"He wasn't like the others. He didn't call me names, or pretend I did not exist. Sera calls me 'it' and the others refuse to talk to me. Varric calls me kid, makes me feel more human. Solas, like you, didn't forget me. He talked to me and made me feel safe." His voice chokes, unsure if to continue. Instead, they sit there in silence, enjoying each others' company, perhaps remembering all the fond times they shared with Solas. Finally Cole speaks up, "Thank you. For listening to Varric instead of Solas." He was referring to the choice she made to make him human, a choice that confused Solas. "I like being more human. It hurts, and sometimes I don't understand why, but I like it. I can relate to you or Varric more, so I can help you." She smiles at Cole, and grips his hand, giving it a light squeeze. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them once more, Cole was no longer beside her. Her mouth crept into a smile. 

***

Her bare feet pounded on the stone as she made her way to Cullen, remembering her promise of defeating him at a game of chess. Her heart was pouding when the door to his room flew open and she waltzed in. She could barely see him in all the chaos of the recruits discussing battle strategy and such. Their eyes met and the corners of his mouth curled into a smile. "That's enough for today. Get back to work," his voice echoed throughout and the recruits began piling out. He looked down at his paperwork before meeting her gaze with his eyes.

"Tough day, huh?" She inquired,  her eyes dancing across his face. 

"I suppose so. Seeing you, however, makes the day go by." She blushed at his comment, red tingling up to the tips of her ears. "How can I help you, Inquisitor?"

"Antheia. Call me Antheia. I don't respond to Inquisitor anymore," she hastily stated, the awkwardness filling the air. 

He cleared his throat, "uh, sorry....Antheia." the name sounded foreign coming off his lips, only ever being called by her given name by her clan and Solas.

She shrugged it off, "Care for a game of chess?" She smirked, knowing how  competitive he was.

"Yes, of course. Let me- I just need to sign off a few requests." He returned to his paperwork, pen lazily scribbling on them. He tried not to focus on her...her tan complexion and rich black hair tied off in a side braid....her luscious lips forming into a grin while she observed the outside world.

He loved her.

"Let us go," he puts down his pen and follows her to Skyhold gardens. She insisted on coming here for every game- drawn to the serenity and tranquility she felt surrounded by nature.   
At first, he had just enjoyed having a partner to play with besides the scheming tevinter and it eventually turned into something more. He tried not to focus on his feelings for her, knowing about her relationship with Solas.

Once he had left her, broken hearted and ashamed,  his possessiveness only increased. He did not want her alone with any man and slowly realized it was because of his infatuation with her. It was damning, infuriating, to not be able to have her as his. Yet he did not want that claim. He just wanted her to be happy.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, probably noticing his absence in the conversation. 

"I am sorry- I was just thinking," he grinned sheepishly.

"What about?" _Maker she was nosy._

"About how I'm going to kick your ass," He grinned, catching her trying not to smirk.

The two played until the sun began to set behind the mountains, leaving the elven woman shivering and trying to recover some warmth. 

"I think it's time to call it a night," Cullen said. He was not cold as she was, but it was beginning to be difficult to see the board or the chess pieces. She nodded her head in agreement, unable to move.

He ushers her out of the chair, and leads her towards the door, "I'm okay, Cullen." She tries to walk forward, only to almost fall flat on her face.

"I think not, " he wrapped his arm around her and they walked towards the throne room. 

"Solas..." Her voice sultry and hot damned him as he realized the name was not his, but the male elf's. She stood on tippy toes, attempting to kiss him. 

"Goodnight, Antheia." Instead of taking advantage of the vulnerable state she was in and following her up to her room, he bowed and kissed her knuckles. "Sleep well, my lady." He heard a whimper and soft crying, knowing he made the right choice. 

 

 


	5. The Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan's dreams haunt her.

She watched as Cullen retreated, held back sobs now let loose like a dam. She had tried so hard to build up a defense to Solas...to forget him. She had forced herself to forget him, but found it difficult to do so when her every dream was a memory of him.

Spirits were drawn to her, the fractured pieces of her heart, all because of him. They tempted her with images of him, fragments of a time when all was good.

She closed the door to her room and slunk her tiny frame until it sat slumped against the wooden door, convulsing violently to every thought of him.

Moving on was almost possible...until Cullen had gone and ruined it. Then it all came tumbling down. Cullen was a gentlemen, worried about her health and well-being, refusing to let her walk back alone- and it had reminded her too much of Solas.

He was always worried for her. She had first realized it when Dorian and her had gone tumbling back in time. She had found him in a prison cell in Redcliffe castle, incoherent and mumbling nonsense about how he had let her down.

 _Let her down_ _._

If anyone had let her down, it was herself. She had promised, regardless of her beliefs, to keep everyone safe. They all depended on her, whether she wanted it or not, and she would not let anyone suffer under her command.

Then, she saw him suffering, red lyrium growing out of him, dying...

It had shook her, and ripped her heart out. Upon looking at her, he spat elvhen curses, demanding to be free from this demon.

She comforted him, trying to tell him that it really was her. He frowned, looking up at her, "You died." His eyes remained an icy cold, and she shivered at the thought of how her death had caused him such grief.

When she had finally convinced him that it was truly her and this was a future that  _ **would not**_   _ **happen**_.  "Emm'asha..." His words shocked her to the very core. Their endless flirting and time together had not gone unnoticed in this future. She wondered if it wouldn't in any other future.  

_With courage unlike before, she stormed the castle, searching for Alexius and she was going to demand him to return them to the present, torture or whatever was necessary for him to agree._

_Apparently, Leliana had the same idea as she immediately caught Alexius' son, Felix in a choke-hold, threatening to kill him if Alexius did not return them to the present._

_Alexius hesitated and she slaughtered his son, earning a blast of magic from the magister._

_This had caused a battle between Alexius and her group, one that ended with the corrupted magister dead. Her ears perked as she heard what she could only assume was this Corypheus- or his lackeys._

_Dorian hastily told them that given an hour he could reverse the spell and create a portal to return them to the present._

_She had never seen the fierceness in Solas' eyes as he nodded his head towards Cassandra, Leliana and Sera. "I will not fail you again," His eyes met hers, a stone cold killer in her wake. She had never seen him so predatory before._

_She shook her head violently, "I cannot let you all sacrifice yourselves for me."_

_Leliana motioned to the rest of them, "Look at us. We are already dead. Go, return to Alexius, and **make him pay** **.** Let this future never happen so we may never know death to Coypheus." Leliana was right, of course, as she always was, and so her head drifted towards Solas._

_"Ir abelas. Ma'arlath." Her breach hitched as the words she had never expected to hear from the elvhen apostate were spoken._

No.

Her conscious jolted her awake, aware of the dangers of dreaming about strong emotions. Groggily, she stood up and walked up the steps to her room. She plopped herself on a bed she was still not used to, and stared out towards the balcony, towards the unknown.

_"What were you like before the anchor?" Solas asked, his eyes full of earnest curiosity. The two stood out her room on the balcony, in the chilly mountain air. While she was not acclimated to the weather, Solas made it bearable. She looked down at the scar on her hand, observing it, thinking about his question._

_What was I like? "Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your...spirit?"_

_"I...don't believe so. Even if it has, how should I know?" I looked up, facing him, unsure of how to react to the situation presented._

_"Ah."_

_"Why do you ask?" She questioned further, the expression on his face worrying her._

_"You show a wisdowm I have not seen since... since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the fade. You are not what I expected."_

_"What I have done that's so surprising?" She shrugged, curious as to his motivations. She had not done anything that she would not have done. It was all what she thought was best._

_"You have shown subtlety in your actions, a wisdom that goes against everything I expected." Was he trying to...compliment me? "A wisdom that goes against everything I expected. If the Dalish could raise someone with a spirit like yours... have I misjudged them?" He was questioning his morals..._

_"The Dalish didn't make me like this. The decisions were mine," And mine alone._

_"Yes," the corner of his lips curved into a slight smile, "You are wise to give yourself that due. Although the Dalish, in their fashion, may still have guided you." He paused. "Perhaps that is it. I suppose it must be. Most people act with so little understanding of the world. But not you."  
_

_She was confused. Why was he telling her all this? "Solas...what does this mean?'_

_"It means...I have not forgotten the kiss." Her heart fluttered as he smiled warmly at her, a smile she would never forget._

_She closes the space between them and gives him a sly smile, "Good."_

_They stand locked in each others gaze before he breaks it, shaking his head slightly, turning away from her to walk away._ _  
_

_Before thinking it through, she grabbed his arm,"Don't go."_

_He stood where he was, back facing her, "It would be kinder in the long run." There was another pause before he spoke quietly, "But losing you..."_

_Before she could react to what he was saying, he was pressed against her, lips forcing their way onto hers, wanting to explore every inch of her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around her waist, pulling her closer to his form. She gave in, allowing his tongue to explore her mouth, tasting everything, feeling everything. He felt alive._

_Finally, and reluctantly he pulled away, beginning to walk away once more. As he walked away, their eyes still connected he whispered, "Ar lath ma, vhenan."_

She flung herself up, sweating and panting.

Every time she fell asleep memories of him snuck into her dreams, demons preying on her vulnerabilities, on her emotions.

"I will not." She muttered, sitting up. She dressed herself in her robes before making her way down to the throne room, where she sat on her throne, allowing her reality to settle in, and sleep to not come.

She would not falter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emm'asha - my girl  
> Ir abelas - very sorry  
> ma'arlath - I love you.


	6. Sleepless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DRESS SHOPPING GUYS

She noticed the odd stares she received as others began their day in Skyhold, meandering out of the side corridors towards the throne room. None of them expected to see the Inquisitor sitting on the throne staring towards the door, like she was waiting for something- or someone.

After the realization she couldn't escape Solas in the fade, she refused to let sleep take over. She had conjured up a spell to prevent her from falling asleep, and it was wearing off.

She couldn't.

She descended the throne, aware of the eyes following her as she walked down the throne room. She heard the arguments of her advisors cease as she walked towards them, and she knew they did not expect her awake this early.

"Inquisitor." Her eyes met a rather concerned ambassador and she faked a smile. "We were not expecting you. We figured you would be sleeping in today." They did not say it, but she could read between the lines. Cullen had told them what happened and they were concerned about her because of Solas.

"I'm fine," she spat, rather harsher than she intended. The Antivan woman looked taken aback and then, brushing it off, turned to Leliana.

"Tell her," Josephine said sadly, and she became worried. Whatever their intentions were, it wouldn't help.

Nothing would.

"We are taking you shopping." Leliana grinned at the elvhen woman, only to be replied with a groan.

"The guests have replied to our invitations and the ball is already scheduled. Most of the guests have already arrived, and we are prepared. But, you my dear, are not. We cannot allow the Hero of Thedas, Herald of Andraste, the Inquistor attend a ball with nothing than the best!" Josephine clapped her hands together.

Cullen groaned, pinching his temple, "Maybe this was a bad idea." 

"Only if Cullen can be my escort," Antheia demanded. If she had to go to this ball, she would go with someone she trusted.

"I-uh, if you are sure that is what you want," Josephine stammered, clearly not expecting Antheia to say that.

  
"Are you sure Inquis-Antheia?" Cullen's cheeks looked like they were on fire, and she tried to keep herself from grinning like an idiot.

"It is my only request." She responded to them all, noticing Leliana had quietly nodded her head. Antheia felt the sleep deprivation hit her, and she excused herself from the conversation, heading towards the garden to gather some herbs.

After managing to sneak away unscathed by Mother Giselle's need to talk for hours, she went to the kitchen to brew her tea. The servants were determined to make it for her, but she felt awkward and clumsy allowing them to. Instead, she shooed them out, and set to making it herself. She took a sip and almost spit it out. The herbs left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she knew she needed to drink them. She couldn't succumb to the rest of the world that was trying to tear her apart.

With one last gulp, she followed her feet as they took her to Josephine and Leliana, who had asked her to return when she was ready. The two were idly gossiping in Josephine's office, a sight hard to miss as the spymaster often did not have time to chit-chat. "Enjoying ourselves, are we?" Antheia smirked and Josephine jumped, startled. Leliana, however, already knew she was there.

"Antheia," she nodded towards the empty seat besides them. 

"This dress shopping..." Antheia began, only to be cut off by Leliana.

"We have the best at our disposal and they are eager to begin their craft. We were only curious as to the type of fabric you would like to use?" Leliana arched her eyebrows and she just stared back at her.

"F-fabrics?" She was lost, but the two human woman smiled widely at her.

"Oh my," Josephine pushed back the loose hair falling on her face and began prosing on about all the types of fabrics to choose from.

_This was going to be a long sayda_


	7. Importance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is really important for those who want to continue to follow Lavellan. :-)

I AM STARTING A NEW STORY LINE WITH EDITED CHAPTERS, SOME NEW CONTENT ADDED. CHECK OUT MY DASHBOARD FOR THE STORY.  
I WILL EDIT THIS WITH THE NAME OF THE STORY.

Vhenan'ara 


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